Who’s Your Auntie?

“I don’t want to be here,” my mind screams into the void as I sharply inhale a shaky breath that sounds more like a gasp against the silence that deafens me.

I frantically catch my husband’s eye as he waits for my cue to go to the next slide. He and the rest of the packed crowd are holding their breath in solidarity — they're waiting for me to speak. No one here would be surprised if I flee or fail. They all know that this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. 

No one will blame me if I can’t do it.

I know that I’ve never had a message that matters more or an audience that needed to hear it more than the crowd gathered here today. I've prepared myself to the fullest and I’ve never been more ready to meet a moment. I drew upon all the life lessons I’ve gathered in my fifty years on this planet – lessons about life, pain, heartbreak, joy, and love – to write this speech. I’ve refined it, rehearsed it, and even recorded it in case I couldn’t deliver it. 

But then I meet my mother’s eyes and suddenly I can breathe again. As always, she's my safety net, my silent cheerleader, radiating love from the front row. She promised me this morning that if I couldn't go through with this, that I could just leave my notes on the podium and she would step in and read my speech for me. And like it always does, the knowledge that she is there gave me the strength I needed.

I can’t help but reflect on how my journey led me here.

It’s not that I fear public speaking, I absolutely love it. After getting a degree in Speech Communications and Public Relations, I've always harbored dreams of being a professional writer and speaker and motivational speaker. To teach the world about the framework for Failing Fabulously using a system I created called Get to No University. I have always wanted to write a book to tell the story of how I learned to Revolutionize the Status quo by asking Why and saying NO. To share the secrets of how I learned to find joy even in the midst of chaos.

But damn, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. This may not the Ted Talk I dreamed of giving but this is my moment nonetheless. 

There’s a commonly held misconception that success equates to happiness.

But in this moment, the pride I feel and the joy of being chosen for this task sit in stark contrast to the exquisite grief that threatens to render me silent. However, I know that I must speak because this is what I was made for. 

With a deep breath, steadier this time, I nod to my husband and the next slide appears behind me as I say, “When Liza and Jason asked me to speak about Jude on behalf of our families, they only had one request and that was that I make sure everyone knows just how special he was.” 

What you must know is that I am an Auntie and at this moment, I am giving the eulogy for my beloved great-nephew Jude.

Because Jude was born with a rare heart condition, he spent much of his 16 month life in and out of the hospital. Most of the people gathered here had loved him from a distance through the thousands of photos and stories we posted of our time with our precious boy. I had compiled those photos into a slide show and was here to tell the story of a life well lived and a child that was dearly loved.

Auntie Paige’s Neurosparkle

Jude’s mother, my niece Liza, made me an Aunt simply by being born almost 40 years ago but becoming an Auntie, well that took a while.

Jude’s birth cemented the fact that I am a GREAT auntie. Being a great aunt is simply a title I earned when my niece had a child…whether or not I live up to the greatness aspect of the moniker. 

But I am also a Fabulous Failer which is what makes me a Great Auntie.

It’s something that I have had to work for. Going forward in this newsletter, I am going to share my Foolproof Formula for Failing Fabulously because I think you should become a Fabulous Failer as well. 

Fabulous Failer? Now that might sound counterintuitive in a world that celebrates hustle culture and shudders at the mere thought of failure but my definition of failure involves ruling out what doesn’t serve you so that you can passionately pursue those things that you are purposefully passionate about. 

Neurosparkle is about embracing your own brilliance and not dimming it for anybody.

I believe that each of us has something that comes so naturally to us, something so special and so unique to us that to compliment us on it would like complimenting us on our breathing. I call this thing our Neurosparkle.

Your Neurosparkle is rooted in your brain’s physiology, intertwined with your inherent skills and abilities, and revealed through the stories of your lived experiences. It’s a product of both nature and nurture. 

Your Neurosparkle is not a part of who you are. It is WHO you are at your very core. It is your essence. It is the fire in your soul that burns when you feed it and smolders when you try to distinguish it.

When you realize that your Neurosparkle is who you are, well then you realize that you are already living your dream. 

Back at the podium, I look out into the eyes of those who depend on me for words to make this day make sense, I exhale that seemingly interminable breath. In that instant, I am transformed into the absolute best and most authentic version of myself.

This is the single most important moment of my life so if I am going to fail, I am going to fail fabulously.

If you’d like to see the video - here’s a link - https://vimeo.com/354456644